


Love Bugs

by Ruby_Eyes



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Banter, Brienne is ignorant, F/M, Hidden Agenda, Jaime is stupid, Neighbors, One Shot, Tyrion is the best, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 04:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8876119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruby_Eyes/pseuds/Ruby_Eyes
Summary: Jaime has a butterfly-mode cockroach in his kitchen. He asks for Brienne's help.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ikkiM](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikkiM/gifts).



> Hi! This is the first fanfic I have ever written in my whole life. English is not my first language so I hope you can forgive the flood of mistakes here. Please don't hesitate to criticize this so I could learn to write. I'm no writer anyway. I'm just a 22 year-old virgin CPA who's so obsessed with Braime so I'm literally clueless of most parts of the world, literature and writing included. (I don't even fully understand yet how some things work in this website)
> 
> Uhm, I also gifted this to ikkiM because her funny and excellent works inspired me to try embarrassing myself and write without any clue how to.

 

 

 _Thank Gods it’s Friday_. Brienne was already excited to finally get to lie down on her bed without having to think about work for the next day. She has a really good book lying on her bedside table and she’s just washing up before bed. The busy audit season just passed and her clients have already filed their tax returns so she has a pretty free weekend ahead. She got out of the tub after a warm and relaxing bath then went out to the kitchen in her bathrobe to see if she still had some fresh milk, she heard a knock on her door.

“It’s ten in the evening on a Friday night!” she groaned to herself. “Who the hell is this rest day spoiler?”

She didn't really have that many friends and all of them are surely partying right now. Her father, her only family, lives miles away from her so she couldn’t think of anyone who would bother her this late at night. It’s not like her old landlady would bug her for anything during wee hours of the night. The old maid is probably already snoring her ass off at the ground floor lobby where she places her rocking chair every night to do her _guarding_ duties.

The knocking got louder. “Just a minute!”

She rubbed her cold palms on her arms through the robe’s sleeves as she walked to the door. She lifted the latch as the knocking turned into borderline banging.

“What is it?” she barked as she turned the doorknob and opened the door.

She was dumbstruck when she saw who was outside. _Jaime?_

Her irritating but awfully hot neighbor was grinning at her like a psycho. She could only imagine how her expression changed from irritated to a mesmerized one. She silently prayed that he didn’t notice how she couldn’t help but gape at his beautiful face.

For the entire two months he had lived adjacent to Brienne’s apartment, he had never failed to throw taunts at her every time he bumps into her. He had called names like troll, _four-knees_ , freckles and the worst, wench. However, as annoying as he was, she couldn't help the butterflies that go wild in her stomach every time he’d smirked at her and showed those alluring emerald eyes.

“Hey, wench,” he greeted, the teasing tone still in there but somehow, it sounded way too sexy to Brienne.

“Brienne.” She scowled at him, hoping that would hide her blush. “What do you want?”

Jaime was wearing a white tee and tattered jeans that would have made any other man look homeless but still looked so good on him.

He scratched the back of his neck before saying, “A cockroach went butterfly mode in my kitchen and I’m allergic to insecticides. I was hoping you’d be kind enough to use your bulkiness to rescue me from that flying villain.”

She rolled her eyes. “Since when did I look like a pest control worker?”

“Come on, neighbor wench. I can’t cook my late dinner just because I have a phobia of bugs. Don’t let me starve.”

He pouted and made such adorable puppy eyes.

_"Don’t fall for it, Brienne!"_

But she did. “I’ll just get dressed.”

****************************

 _"What’s gotten into me?"_   Brienne as she held a fly-swatter tightly, wondering why she volunteered to kill the roach when she herself was actually terrified of flying bugs. She could really use a timeout from being too honorable.

Jaime hid himself behind her, constantly pointing at where the pest while his other hand perched on her hip. She didn’t know how after dodging and running from the flying insect, they ended up in that position but she didn’t like the crawling feeling that his touch gave her. _Or maybe she did._

“Stop pulling my shirt!” she yelled at him as she focused her eyes on the cockroach that already stationed on the countertop.

She swatted on the bug but it dodged and flew straight at her.

“Ah!” they both screamed as they simultaneously ducked with their arms over their heads. One of Jaime’s hands settled on her back though.

“Are you cross-eyed? How can you miss that?” he complained as he crouched near her.

She felt his hand (or was that just a finger?) tracing the hollow of her backbone. She almost stayed frozen but she remembered she wasn’t wearing a bra under her big shirt and he’ll probably figure that with what he’s doing. So she stood up and backed away from him.

“What are you doing?” she hissed, accusingly looking at him. 

“Don’t get distracted, wench! I’m hungry. Kill the bug now so I can start cooking.”

He stood up too and walked towards the side of the kitchen opposite from where the cockroach flew.

She turned her focus back on the damned pest. It was already crawling on the wall next to the fridge. She slowly walked towards it and willed herself not to be distracted by the feeling that Jaime’s eyes are probably on her ass right now.

_Splat!_

With one swat, the cockroach had been crushed and had fallen on the floor. She turned to Jaime with a look of victory on her face.

“Boy, I’m a cockroach killer!” she proudly declared.

Jaime grinned at her, making her blush deeply.

“Mind joining me for late dinner, wench? In return for rescuing me,” he offered smilingly, his hands on his hips and his arm muscles displayed beautifully by his stance. “I can cook for only five minutes.”

Her tedious self screamed behind her mind, " _Go back to your flat, read that new Luanne Rice book and wipe his heart-melting smile off your mind."_

But the little part of her brain that swooned for his chest, arms and eyes fought for its way out.

“You better make that a good dinner or I’ll never help you again with your bug issues.”

 

*****************************

 

Brienne didn’t think that one time she helped Jaime with the cockroach in his kitchen would make him think he could drag her to kill more flying bugs five more times the following two weeks. Every other evening, sometime between ten and eleven, he had knocked on her door and asked for help with another butterfly-mode cockroach.

She also wondered why those pests were even in his apartment in the first place when she noticed that there wasn’t even a mark of dust or stain anywhere. His house was so clean she wouldn't mind sleeping on the floor.

“This is getting bothersome, Lannister,” she admitted after killing her latest murder victim on his living room floor. “When are you planning to call an actual pest control?”

He frowned. “Are you getting tired of doing me favors, wench? Don’t you like the dinners I make anymore?”

Of course she liked those. Aside from being a clean freak, he’s a very good cook. And she liked staring at the way his back muscles move while he’s preparing his yummy compensation for her.

“I don’t mind doing favors. I do that for all our neighbors. I actually washed Ygritte’s dishes and laundry for the whole week Jon was gone last month for an out-of-town conference and she couldn’t get out of bed because of her delicate pregnancy. I also help Catelyn’s kids, Arya, Bran and Rickon, with their homework on weekends if I’m free. Doing favors for my neighbors is not a problem for me. I’m just worried because you never know if there’s a hollow in your walls swarmed by these cockroaches.”

Jaime swept the dead insect and disposed it on the trash bin, grinning widely again. “You’re worried about me? Have we reached that stage where we worry for each other, wench?”

She rolled her eyes but the blush from her neck to her face was still evident. “If you have a cockroach nest here, the bugs will surely reach the other apartment rooms soon. That’s what I’m worried about, idiot.”

_"Why would he suggest that we’re going through stages like that?"_

“I like having you around, wench,” he admitted. “That’s why I don’t call the pest control.”

She wanted to scowl at him but she was too taken aback by his words.

She might have even felt flattered... until he added, “I like pestering you here. It takes my bore away.”

She threw a crumpled paper towel at him. “One of these days, I’ll throw a bug at you and swat it flat on your face.”

“As flat as those brick walls you call breasts?” he taunted once again as he picked the thrown paper towel and threw it to the trash bin.

“Shut up, perv! I just don’t say it, but I know you’ve been feigning accidentally touching my behind with the back of your hand when we run away from the flying roaches.”

He chuckled. “Well, since you don’t normally wear bras to cover your probably Braille-like chest, I thought I could check out if you also don’t wear underpants.”

Her jaw dropped at his vulgarity.

“And I noticed that whatever you lacked up there,” he added, pointing at her meager bosom then looked at her butt,” It was totally compensated down there.”

She was wearing a tank top and leggings that emphasized the length of her legs and the shape of her behind. All of a sudden, she wanted to hide her assets away, maybe walk home backwards. That shouldn’t be hard. She left the front door open when she came in anyway.

“Brother!” she heard somebody call from the door.

When she looked out, she saw Tyrion, Jaime’s dwarf brother whom she had only seen once on the television talk show co-produced by the Lannister brothers. He looked just as good as Jaime if not for his lack of height. But who was she to judge according to height when she herself is practically a female giant? And an ugly one at that.

“Come in, Tyrion,” Jaime called on his brother.

When Tyrion came in, he looked dazed at the sight of her. “Is this _her_ , brother?”

Jaime’s eyes widened and he shook his head nervously at his brother.

“Oh, come on. I don’t see the point in hiding the fact that you talk about her with me,” Tyrion said as he approached Brienne and reached out a hand upwards. “I’m Tyrion. You must be the beautifully blue-eyed Brienne.”

She almost flinched at the compliment. She shook his hand and searched his eyes for a hint of sarcasm. She found none. Instead, she figured with the way he looked at her, he probably had the same perverted mind like his brother’s.

“Damn, she’s got legs!” Tyrion exclaimed as he smiled at his brother. “I was planning on saying I brought a feast.” He showed two bags full of food and beer. “But I guess you were already feasting on these mile-long limbs before I came here.”

Brienne felt like her blush probably spread from the top of her head to her toes. Never in her life had she been described like that, like she was so hot or something.

“I should probably head back to my flat,” she stammered. “You guys enjoy your dinner.”

Jaime looked a little panicked. “What? Why are you leaving, wench? Stay. We can’t eat all that chicken and drink all that beer on our own. Besides I haven’t paid you for killing that cockroach yet.”

He rushed to her and held her by her arms then pushed her back and sat her down on the couch.

“What do you mean we can’t consume all these?” Tyrion asked, puzzled. “We’ve drank and eaten more than this before.”

Jaime furrowed his brows at his brother to which Tyrion nodded and smiled.

“Oh! We can’t finish this on our own,” Tyrion declared in a weird tone.

“What are you two up to?” Brienne asked as she looked at them both.

Jaime shook his head and had a suspicious tight-lipped smile. “Nothing. Just stay here with my brother and I’ll prepare our dinner.”

He quickly took the bags from Tyrion and half-ran to the kitchen.

“What’s wrong with him?” she asked Tyrion who was now standing with arms crossed and smiling at his brother’s panicky actions. “Why is he acting all weird?”

“Oh, he’s weird by nature,” Tyrion chuckled. “You should see his pets and what he feeds them.”

“He has pets?” she asked, surprised. “I haven’t seen any. Unless, you call those cockroaches I’ve murdered every night in the last two weeks his pets. If you think about it, those bugs actually look weird with their striped backs.”

Tyrion narrowed his eyes. “You’ve been killing cockroaches here in the last two weeks?”

She nodded. “Your brother says he has phobia from bugs and he’s allergic from insecticides so he calls me every time a bug flies around here.”

Tyrion shook with laughter, even throwing his head back. “He told you he has phobia from bugs?”

She nodded again. “Is he lying?”

“Man, he’s really such a coward sometimes. He should just tell you his motives straight to your face.”

She wondered what motives he was talking about. “Don’t call him a coward. It’s normal for some people to have phobia from something. Don’t tell me you don’t have any yourself.”

Tyrion shook his head.

As Jaime came in with a tray of food and beer, Tyrion looked alternately at him and Brienne then announced, “Jaime doesn’t have a phobia on bugs. He actually has rare species of centipedes as pets. And he feeds them with his bare hands _with clean cockroaches_.”

That left Brienne’s mouth hanging open while Jaime’s eyes widened in shock.

Tyrion continued, “The cockroaches you killed are the expensive food of his pets.”

“Shut up, Tyrion!” Jaime ordered.

“You’re not scared of bugs?” Brienne asked Jaime. “Then why have you kept bugging me about them these last few days, idiot?”

Jaime couldn’t speak.

Tyrion did the talking for him. “Because you’re both idiots who can’t figure out that you both like each other and you’re just using these poor love bugs as an excuse to see and touch each other.”

The dwarf grabbed a bottle of beer and turned towards the door. “I’ll be going, folks. You two better sort your idiotic feelings out, now.”

Brienne and Jaime just stood there gaping at each other.


End file.
